Ryan Ringbloom
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Keep the undies on! 

7/28/2015

 
To say I have been stressed lately is an understatement. And yesterday I decided I needed a way to naturally de-stress. So, I called and made an appointment for a massage. I figured, relax my body - relax my mind.

This morning I went and I saw this sign upon entering the private room.
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Okay- it's a new place and that sign is fine. Nothing too weird about that. Actually, good. I'm more comfy keeping the undies on anyway. Then I see this...
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That sign... I never saw before. I was like, hmmm...that's weird. The place seems real nice and in the normal part of town...so okay, um, whatever.

A man comes in and I'm face down on the table waiting. He immediately lowers the towel and tugs my undies down ever so slightly. It's a little awkward, I don't even know what he looks like. But hey, it's a massage, that's normal. Moving on...

The massage starts, its feeling good. Then - my undies get lowered even more. A lot more. Like - hooked thumbs bring those undies down fast, lowered.
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And I am not gonna lie...the massage gets borderline inappropriate.

Um.

First, if the guy was just gonna lower the undies like that, why even post a sign saying to leave them on? And second, I guess "do not ask for inappropriate acts" just means - you don't need to, we're gonna do it anyway. 

But it gets even weirder. The guy then goes to my head and stretches his body forward over mine and starts massaging me upside down-ish all the way to once again...my butt. I'm tall. Almost 5'9". This method of massage is causing his "pelvis" to repeatedly bonk me in the head.

Yup.  Bonk... Bonk...Bonk... right in the head.
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Unreal. I've had many massages...none quite like this.

The crazy weird massage finally ends . The guy leaves the room. I get dressed and go to the front...never seeing this butt massager once.

As I pay, the receptionist asks me if I need to make another appointment.

 I say yes.

And book one for my husband for 8 p.m. this Friday night.

I just NEED to know what happens when he goes. BAHAHA!!!

****UPDATE - My hubby received no butt massaging and no upside down/ pelvis bonking. And someone sent me a rape whistle in the mail to take with me to my next massage.



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